Saturday, 11 June 2016

Lessons From A Teenage Dirtbag


Heya,
Now schools over and I finally have time to get back into blogging again, I'm always much more inspired during the Summer hols anyway. I though it would be a nice idea to look back on a recent situation which has taught me a lot.. so here's a letter to a Teenage Dirtbag.


Dear Teenage Dirtbag,

That name is mainly to protect your identity but to be honest you are the biggest teenage dirtbag I know. Nevertheless you did impacted my life and did teach me a lot of valuable things.

Number 1. Openness
So technically what we had wasn't exactly a monogamous relationship but we were defiantly seeing each other. I repeatedly denied I was in a relationship at all as I was adamant be 'single for summer'.My friends frequently reminded me an open relationship is still a relationship.
During the early stages of our "relationship" we were forced to be very open and honest with each other almost straight away, I had to share some stuff not even all of my closet friends know and as this was all in the early days this was hard for me. But you handled it like a fucking pro and I will always admire you for that regardless of what people say about you.

Number 2. Honesty 
Usually I would consider myself an honest person but wow did we break that barrier.You are hands down one of the most confident and honest people I know. You taught me not to be afraid of the consequences and just ask the hard questions like " what are we?" " Where is this going?" It makes me smile to see my friends almost squirm in fear at the though of being so blunt, I want to thank you for teaching me that this was ok. 

Number 3. New Lifestyle
If I can be very close minded here for two seconds and stereotype you. I never though in a million years I would be attracted to your" type" and to be honest I never knew much about your "type" either. Thank you for opening my eyes to a new lifestyle.

Number 4. How to be treated
You have shown me how I can be treated and you let me come to the conclusion that that was not good enough. You have taught me I deserve better then ignored messages, one word answers and secrets.

Number 5.Facing fears
You don't know this and you never will but you helped me face some fears. You don't know I have Obesssive Compulisve Dissorder and you don't know many of my compulsions and intrusive thoughts are based around sexual fears. You were extremely patient and respected every boundary of mine. You held my hand, apologised when you weren't to blame and asked me 101 times If I was ok I will always be grateful for this and consider myself very lucky. Thank you for helping me overcome this.

.

Number 6. Vulnerability 
My two biggest fears are: 1. not achieving everything I want to in life and 2. being vulnerable.
So many times throughout our "relationship. I have sat by the phone an anxious mess after I have laid it all out. I hate how easily you can control my emotions, I guess its a fear of being hurt. I'm still trying to improve on this but I appreciate you not breaking my heart, thanks for that.

Number 7. Having a Good time 
Trust me I know how to have a good time. I think our relationship worked best when we were together out at night. I think it was meant to be a whirlwind of fun & adventure and trying new things. It didn't have the actual elements to make a good everyday relationship that would last a long time. When we spent time together we both just constantly laughed and danced, you wouldn't shut up asking why I was smiling so much. Thank you for those memories I'll always look back fondly on them.

Number 8. Going with the flow 
Im a strong J (which stands for Judgement) in the Myers - Briggs personality test which means I like to quickly make decisions. If you talk to any of my friends they will tell you I had to be stopped from rushing into decisions regarding our relationship. Luckily I have great friends who encouraged me to go with the flow and see what happens. You even said it yourslef " Shur we'll see what happens" which relieved me in that moment. However I defiantly struggled with needing constant clarity and reassurance, which I know I need to work on.

Number 9. Motivation 
You have motivated me to work hard and achieve my dreams. Mainly due to the fact you aren't motivated whatsoever, I've seen you throw away oppertunaties and not make the most of your time. I guess I've learned not only from your strengths but also from your flaws and I hope you have leaned from mine too

Thank you for everything. See you next week.
Love always,
Nixie
Follow